The Rainbows Confuse Me

It's been a while since I've written. I apologize, really. I've actually run out of things to vent/write/express about, but I haven't run out of things to think about.

So since I haven't written in a while, you get to read about it all. That's right, all of it.

This past week, I applied for...basically...my dream job. I applied knowing that I had a 1% chance of getting it. A day after I applied, they e-mailed me back wanting to know more.

Well crap.

This coming on the day that my brother and his wife have officially decided to homeschool their daughter - wanting me to teach her.

I sent them what they wanted (an .mp3 demo of my voice), and then prayed and thought like I've never prayed and thought before.

The job is out of state - in Alabama up by the Tennessee border. I thought about the change. About how much I would welcome it and absorb it and love it. But then I stepped back and looked at everything I'd be leaving behind.

I have everything here. It's where I grew up. It's where I live. It's where I work. It's where I volunteer and coach T-Ball. It's me. I mean, my first job was at the place I adopted The Cattie from nearly ten years later. The guy I had a crush on throughout middle and high school has a son on my T-Ball team. My second grade teacher owns my dream home.

I'm an aunt. A good aunt. One of the best, I'd like to believe. I live for those kids. We have fun together.

See?

Who else would set up the world's largest game of musical chairs? :)

And who else can figure out ways to teach a three-and-a-half year old to read?

And who else thinks this is one of the cutest things in the world?

(OK...everyone will...)

And seriously, what other family member is so involved that they practically teach one of them the correct way to eat?! :)

I feel like I truly belong here.

But I am way better than here.

After I applied for the job, I prayed on the way home. I prayed what I call the Gideon's Prayer. It's my personal prayer and I call it so because it's totally what Gideon did before following through with God's plans for him. To make absolutely sure that what he heard was what was meant to happen, Gideon asked God for an actual, physical sign that he was understanding God correctly:

Gideon said to God, "If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised - look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water.

Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece. This time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew." That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew. Judges 6:36-40

So that's what I did. I always resort to this when I'm either stumbling in my walk or if, like Gideon, I want to make absolutely sure that I am doing what God wants me to.

On the way home from work, I asked for a sign. I asked if I should stay.

As I was entering my neighborhood not ten minutes later, there was a huge rainbow in the sky. I nearly cried. Was that it? Was that the sign from God? Or just the effect of the oncoming storm?

So, again, I did what Gideon did. After dinner, I took The Cattie for a walk out on the golf course - something that we both have fallen in love with. Again I asked God flat out to show me what to do. Should I stay?

After we turned around to head back, there were not one, not two, but three...three rainbows up in the sky. Not full rainbows, but pieces of them. And they weren't three pieces of one rainbow. They were splattered all over the sky. Again, I nearly cried. I should have taken a picture, because I wouldn't believe it, either.

So, that was my answer...right? God had told me what needed to happen.

But then I talked to my mom about it and I got excited for the move again. I mean, how awesome this huge change would be for me.

But then I had to stop myself. I don't even know where I am in the application process! I am way ahead of myself. It's just hard to not think about it at all. I need to think of what I'm going to say if they want to set up an interview...and if they offer me the job.

Should I take it? Should I stay?

Then tonight, during my first softball practice of the fall season, there it was.

A rainbow.

Welcome to the confusion.